Monday, August 6, 2012

Skunks almost never get used for Satanic ritual killings

Okay, I am just going to blurt it out and be done with it.

Every year, thousands -- maybe millions -- of pet owners worry about their black cats around late October. Black cats are stolen and tortured by the score and that may not change for a while. Instead of putting a lojack on your animal, or sending them to Gstad for the season, why not dress them up for a party and save the drama?

Imagine you are a skinny, whitey, trashy, stupid shit looking for a black cat to grab for your latest misguided adventure. You see a jet black animal with a bold, dramatic white stripe all the way to the tip of the tail. Whadaya think?

Run for the tomato bath! It's a skunk!

Who cares that you don't smell anything. Get the hell out of there and do it quick!

It's okay, it's okay. None of them can read anything but emo-posts and hate mail.

So as to the how to get a real-looking stripe on your pet that won't let you get withing 10 feet, I dunno. To quote Murray in Scrooged : "Have you considered staples?"

Now get back to work!

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